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GUFFADI

Did you know that “Desis” have the longest written constitution in the world? What were they thinking? They must have thought they were writing another Mahabharata hola ni! Or maybe they had some experts from Bollywood then, when Desi movies were three hours long… needed few extra gaanas in their constitution or something!

And the Amrikis have the shortest constitution rey while the British still haven’t found the time to write one as yet! The Amriki constitution would look like them pamphlets compared to the Desi one …. more like a ‘Vikram Seth’ novel!

The length of the constitution and the amount of time you spend on food preparation seems to be significantly correlated!  An Amrikan opens his refrigerator, takes out two slices of bread, slaps some ham along with cheese and eats it on his way to work. A Desi will open his fridge, finding no chicken in there, yells at his wife to boil some rice while he runs to the market to get the best piece of chicken legs so he can have some biryani before heading off to work….late! Enough with the stereotypes… not all our netas are corrupt clowns but it doesn’t help when three stooges run the whole show ni!

What about us? We eat mostly dal bhat tarkari (DBT), so I guess our constitution will be somewhere in the middle, like them novellas hola!  After all, we don’t eat ham & cheese nor biryani that much ni…. DBT is as balanced a diet as you can get and better than them Amriki BLTs (is it bacon lettuce tomatoes?) or Desi SOCs (spicy oily curry)!

The world knows us as very friendly and hard working people. That’s true… we are very friendly to the kuireys. But when it comes to our own, then we are ready to bite the Khalasi bhai’s head off if we don’t get our rupee back! Our netas should try getting to work on micro-buses instead of them gas-guzzling SUVs!

 We are probably one of the most hardworking people in the world. Well, we can’t beat the Chinese… they seem to work for 23 hours a day… but if they started eating DBT, then we would be in the same league hola!

Bideshis are cool. Even our great leader, Prachandoo likes them a lot. While we are trying to get bideshis to visit our land, he is trying his best to be a travel writer by promoting BDSM hola! I am not talking about them bondage stuff ni feri!  Our great chairman’s top Asian cities to visit which might be published in lonely planet or some communist travel guide are:  Bangkok, Delhi, Singapore and Malaysia (BDSM)!

Hope he can write reviews for our local dailies as well. While meeting his foreign friends, he must be very submissive hola and then he comes back acting all dominant!  Now, he doesn’t know where to start …from the top or the bottom! Please somebody tell our chairman that he suffers from dissociative identity disorder kya! Or maybe he really likes to play them role-playing games hola!

And let’s talk about our netas… after all they are one of us and very friendly  to the bideshi donors, foreign agents, the business-wallahs who have PhDs in ‘Adulteration of Everything’ and talking about hard work, they do work really hard to share the development budget among themselves instead of the poor. So… let us not be harsh on our netas because they’ve done all they can to extend their term by another year! And getting paid for doing nothing must really make them feel guilty hola!

Mao-buddies would like a “People’s Constitution” …. Everything for the people … like our Home Minister Mahara, doing all he can to throw them criminal cases against his people in the trash.  

Nepal Police-wallahs have been ordered not to leave their posts until May 28, because Mahara believes that them ‘reactionary’ forces are plotting something and wants our men and women in blue to be on full alert so that them Maoists leaders will not be attacked by their own cadres’ rey. Yes, security for the people!

But if your spouse is giving birth or your loved ones are on their way to the after-life then you can take them leave rey! Thank God... Mahara didn’t send out another circular ordering the police-wallahs’ loved ones to hold their delivery or death until May 28th!

Why do you need a 500,000 people’s volunteers when the 50,000+ police-wallahs can do the job hoina ruh?  It’s good to be home ... just ask Mahara!  

So come next year… what kind of constitution will we have, once our three stooges decide to overcome their differences and find a common ground? I don’t know. I will go have a cheesecake and update my Facebook status: CA 3 People O!

Guffadi blogs at www.guffadi.blogspot.com

 
Published on 2011-05-20 10:53:55
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